I have had a hard time sleeping the last week or so. I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind is in over drive it seems. Remembering, and missing my baby girl. Last night as I was laying there, so many things crossed my mind. I kept thinking of what it is to be broken.
No one likes to be broken.
But when I think back over my life and see how God has taken my “brokenness” and made it in to something beautiful, It brings me such peace. It amazes me that out of the ashes comes beauty.
I picture my heart looking a little like a broken water pitcher that was shattered and glued back together. I like to visualize God bending down and picking up my shattered and broken heart, and piece by piece, over the years, putting It back together again. I know the pain and tears that went in to every piece being put back in to place. I know what it feels like to have God’s hands of love cradling my shattered heart as He was putting it back together. I know where all the leaks are that needed to be “re-glued.”
To some, my heart would look ugly with all the chips and cracks. To me, it looks beautiful because I know what went in to putting it back together. I have felt the hands of God fitting each piece in to the perfect spot.
I often wonder what kind of a person I would be today If I would not have been broken?
Would I feel compassion for the hurting? Would my heart physically feel the pain of others who have lost a loved one? Would I treasure my husband and children, and not take them for granted? Could I see the pain in someone’s eyes without words being spoken? Would I feel the presence of God like I have? Would I be “homesick” for heaven and have a longing to go there? Would heaven seem far away, and not like a “real” place to me? What would my priorities be?
I would love to say that yes, I still would feel all these things. But in my heart, I know that I wouldn’t be able to.
I am thankful for the loving hands of God holding each shattered part of me. And with tears streaming down his face, very gently, and with love being poured out over me, He has been putting me back together again. At times, my pitcher springs a leak, and He so gently fills the cracks with his mercy and love, and makes me feel whole again.
I am so overwhelmed this morning with love for my Jesus and how he has blessed me beyond my wildest imaginations! 11 years ago I felt completely shattered and never thought that I could be put back together again! But my God is a miracle worker, and I am proud to say that I am one of His miracles!
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
This was written in June of 2011.
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